site buttons

Thursday, July 15, 2010

"Live Your Own Dream" Part 1

I think most of us have days when we feel like we're doing everything we're supposed to do, and we're still not happy. Something is "missing"... We're "edgey"... Not that anything is really "wrong", we're just not "content"... YES... CONTENT! That's the word!
I think that there are many reasons why we can find ourselves in this situation, but I'm no psychologist, so I can only share what I've discovered on my own journey.
I will tell you this... it was through a low time for me, and in the company of a psychiatrist when I first began to develop my theory/understanding. It was over 25 years ago. I was young... in love... undirected... and frustrated. I remember telling the psychiatrist that I felt like there was this "box" inside of me that was locked. I just couldn't find the key, and couldn't get to whatever it was.
He was a nice man... best money could buy in Honolulu, Hawaii where my husband was stationed in the Navy. He was middle aged, tanned, and living "the good life". He was pleasant, and I'm sure he meant well. But for our $99.00 per 30 minute session (back in 1984), the best advice he ever gave me was the opposite of his intention.... or at least I've always thought so... hmmm... maybe he was a spiritual guru in disguise... LOL. So, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he used reverse psychology on me... hee hee (my how I've grown).
I remember telling him about something I had done which resulted in feeling guilt ridden. It's funny... in all of the other details of my life "someone" was accountable for why I was in my emotional circumstances... You know the drill... Mom, Dad, teachers.... everyone else had their hand in "screwing me up". BUT... the moment, I mentioned my faith... "I" was the one accountable for screwing myself up. He shared with me how he was also a member of my particular denomination, but how you have to "take it all with a grain of salt", and not feel guilty for anything. He went on about guilt like it was a bad thing... Like we can do anything, regardless of the consequences, and the problem isn't in whom we've hurt or what we've destroyed within ourselves. According to him, the only problem was feeling guilty about it!!!
Well, funny thing happened. Now, mind you, I was 18 years old, and my faith was VERY underdeveloped. And yet... I left that office KNOWING this man was dead wrong. I would never give another dollar of my money to someone who was spewing out his own theology. I was sure that guilt is only a bad thing when it comes from an unwarranted place. If one does something wrong, and hurts themselves and/or others, guilt is not only natural, but it's deserved, and exists to help us want better for ourselves and others "next time". Guilt is only bad when we let it have such a tight grip on us that we are suffocated and paralyzed by it. When we realize it's an important impetus for change, forgiveness, and ammendment, it's a gift.
I don't know if I realized it that day, but it was the beginning of a journey of realization and resolve that I really, truly believed in what my faith teaches. I embraced the living scriptures and the truth in those words, rather than worldly relativism and false teachings. And I also embraced Jesus' message of repentence... not regret. What a psychiatrist couldn't do for me in dozens of sessions that cost thousands of dollars, Jesus did for me in moments... or eternity depending on the angle you look at it from ;)
Now, don't leave me yet!!! I'm not telling anyone else what to believe!!! Really, I'm not. This is just my journey... And I'm not saying that there is not a need for psychology and psychiatry in our culture. I just don't think it should abuse or dictate any more than any other institution.
The point is.... not sure when it "hit me". But one day, I realized that locked box inside of me was GONE!!! or unlocked... opened up... whatever. That mysterious unsettledness I had struggled with for years had melted away into a peace. Dare I say "a peace this world cannot offer".
Slowly, I began a journey of being led by the Lord, and trusting in His ways. I began to notice that He had been protecting me and providing for me more than I ever realized even without my asking. The more I turned to Him intentionally, the more my life began to fall into place. The puzzle pieces fit... even the disappointments and hardships seemed to have purpose as I looked back on them.
Ok... This really isn't a post about religion. REALLY! Notice the title "Live Your Own Dream". And I don't want anyone to mistake that for "dreaming a life". Too many people get caught in that. I think my beloved mom lived in that trap for most of her life. "Someday" she would have "this". "Someday", she would enjoy "that". My mother, unfortunately ended up holding onto an awful lot of bitterness, and never did find that deep joy, I believe we are all created to experience.
So... How do you "Live Your Own Dream"? I suppose the first step is in discovering what "Your" dream is.
Stay Tuned for "Live Your Own Dream" Part 2


vivian said...

standing by.. waiting for part two. so far I'm loving hearing your testimony!

Anonymous said...

I read this today, don't know how I stumbled across it or why, but I think it is wonderfully written and I enjoyed every moment reading it. Such truth in so much of what you said.....thank you for sharing!


Related Posts with Thumbnails